Today

It took me 5 years to write this poem. Very personal. Very true.

TODAY

Today must be a beautiful day

Thought I’m happy and okay

Death visits me by surprise

Hear Him saying: „you’ll be mine.”

„No”, I said, „I’m truly fine.

I have this Flower, my sunsine.”

Death looks sorrow and rigid

„Pain is heavy, let me take it”.

„Your life is long and uneventful

Give me now your most beautiful.”

„I don’t want to listen to lies.”

He replies: „she’ll be mine.”

„Lies and lies and only lies.

You don’t know her, she’s my light,

My Flower, my everything.

Having her is destiny.

You’ll never know her as I do,

This is magic you can’t undo.

I’ll protect her with my life,

I’ll have to see her live and shine.”

„Foolish girl”, Death replied.

„Nothing settled, nothing tied.

Flowers aren’t meant to last forever.

Not even you can break this circle.”

„I won’t let you, she’s all my hope.”

„You have to learn more about love.”

„No,” I cried, „I need more time.

„Love is pain, now your love is mine.”

„I won’t let you, I rather die

I’m not scared of your fake smile.”

„Hush, my child, it’s called destiny

You had just a minute from eternity.”

Here I’m on the cold bathroom floor.

I’m alone and the pain is gone.

All that’s left is a sacrifice

That today I didn’t die.

Kép: internet

Now you see me

Now you see me

It felt like we span around at least three times. In fact, it was just one spin: first a lorry pushed us from the back then a Land Rover hit us on the side.

Looking at my phone on my lap the crazy spinning didn’t let me move, it sqeezed my body into my seat. When we stopped and I finally looked up I realized we are facing the traffic and cars stopping and lining up just in front of us.

„What the heck just happened?” I ask because I have no idea how we got there.

„Someone hit us” Peter says. „Are you ok?”

I look at him just to see a torn airbag on his side. We’ve been hit. But by what?

My heart starts racing as I can’t take my eyes off the traffic. Why are they in front of us? It’s wrong, it’s a bloody motorway!

My phone. With little shaking hands I look at my phone.

“Dad, I need to call you back” I say and try to sound calm. “It’s ok, I call you back later.”

Did my dad hear the crash as we were talking? I don’t have time to think of that now. We need to get out of the car immediately. People come to help us but Peter’s door is so badly damaged that they can’t open it. I cannot open my door either because of the barrier. I still can’t believe we are standing in the middle of a 6-lane motorway!

Peter climbs to the backseat to check if the dogs are ok. I roll down the window and climb out of the car. The traffic slowed down but it’s still very dangerous to walk on the motorway. Anyway, I need to see what happened. The driver’s side of the car is almost completely ruined, no wonder no one could open the door.

“What the fuck happened?” that’s all I can say.

“It was a lorry right behind you” says someone but the people look puzzled as well. “And for some reason the Land Rover hit you and you skidded in front of us.”

“Where is he? Didn’t he see us?” I turn around angrily.

I see the lorry and the Land Rover in the distance, they pulled over but they are very far. I’m so angry that I could break something. They almost killed us! Who’s fault is that? Which one of them is guilty?

Then I discover a man on the side of the road. Looks like an old lorry driver, he must have been quickly running back to the scene to see how we look like. The traffic hasn’t stop yet, it would be a suicide for me to run to him. I wanna question him: didn’t you see us?

I don’t need to go there. He is about 10-15 meters away but I see his face. He’s totally white and looking at our smashed car in horror. At the moment he can have no idea who is still in the car and in what state. He can have no idea if he killed someone or not.

I keep staring at him cause I cannot do more. I want him to see my anger and my vulnerability. Here I am, now you can see what you’ve done.

Now you see me.

Bubbles

Újév van, mindenki szentimentális nosztalgiával gondol az elmúlt esztendőre: szép volt, elmúlt, meghíztam, nem fogytam le, kéne új meló, kéne új partner (esetleg: "de jó lenne, ha visszafogadna"), többen lettünk, kevesebben lettünk, unom a frizurámat, unom anyámékat, szeretnék már felnőtt lenni vs. de jó lenne megint gyereknek lenni, unom, hogy semmi nincs a tévében ("brühühü, de mit nézzek?"), külföldön többet keresnék, majd egy másik párt, majd egy másik élet... satöbbi bla, bla, bla. Én is tettem egy évértékelést, nem tagadom, és ismét angolul jöttek a szavak.
Ez lett belőle:

BUBBLES

It’s hard to be a Gemini

Always floating in the sky

My life is full of air bubbles

Bubbles filled with nothing

I’ve been good in all my life

Nothing seemed to compromised

Trying hard for no reward

Bubbles filled with nothing

Busy clouds have passed me by

All I am is left behind

I dress myself in sorrow

Bubbles filled with nothing

Here we sit, silence and I

One of us has surely lied

I don’t believe the whisperers

Bubbles filled with nothing

But air.